Parents concerned about how to handle the Santa Claus secret with their young children should know that there is no strictly naughty or nice way to address it, according to a child development expert at The University of Texas at Dallas.
Dr. Candice Mills, professor of psychology in the School of Behavioral and Brain Sciences, has examined how children lose their belief in Santa Claus and whether any emotional aftermath lingers.
Mills is corresponding author of a two-part study published Nov. 13 in Developmental Psychology in which she and her colleagues asked children and adults their perspectives on learning and teaching about Santa.
In one study, 48 children ages 6 to 15 answered questions about how they discovered Santa was not real and how the discovery made them feel. In addition, 44 of their parents shared their perspectives and how they promoted Santa in their families. In the second study, 383 adults reflected on their childhood experiences when learning the truth about Santa.
Participants in both studies shifted beliefs at an average of 8 years old, but that varied significantly. Most participants reported that testimony from others contributed to the reveal, while some reported skepticism based on personal observations or logic.
About one-third of children and half of adults reported some negative emotions upon discovering the truth, with higher levels of sadness or disappointment related to stronger promotion of the Santa myth by parents.
Parents Won’t End Up on the Naughty List
Mills said the results are reassuring for parents hoping to address this milestone in a healthy manner.
“Although many children feel some sadness or anger when they find out the truth about Santa, others report happy feelings, like pride at figuring out the truth themselves or happiness that they can still get presents. Less than a third of participants reported feeling negative emotions for longer than a couple of weeks,” Mills said.
Another key finding relates to what children took away from their Santa experience.
“Participants in our studies didn’t report a drastic loss of trust in their parents. Negative emotions were generally short-lived,” Mills said. “Parents should keep in mind that most people, when reflecting on their childhood, decide that they want to celebrate Santa with their own kids — about 87% to 95%, in fact. They found something valuable about the experience and want to pass it on.”
“When children keep asking questions, ask yourself: What is my goal in responding? Do I want to convince my child to believe in Santa Claus as long as possible, at all costs?”
Dr. Candice Mills, professor of psychology in the School of Behavioral and Brain Sciences
The research went beyond simply asking participants when and why their Santa skepticism began.
“Adults who recalled more negative emotions were older upon discovery, had more abrupt transitions, were more likely to learn through a third party telling them, and had families who engaged in more Santa promotion,” said Mills, the director of the Think Lab, where investigators study how children and adults learn about the world around them. “These individuals perhaps felt less control over the timing and method of coming to disbelief.”
‘Rely On What You Know About Your Child’
As children start asking harder questions about Santa Claus, their curiosity reflects a better understanding of how the world works and how some concepts conflict with that understanding, Mills said.
One way to handle children’s growing skepticism is to be purposeful in responding. For example, when a child asks a logical question, parents can consider responding by asking them what they think or telling them what “some people” believe.
Her take-home message is that although there are many different ways that parents can handle the Santa myth with their children, they should be cautious as their child gets close to the typical age of skepticism to follow their child’s lead.
“When children keep asking questions, ask yourself: What is my goal in responding? Do I want to convince my child to believe in Santa Claus as long as possible, at all costs?” she said. “While most children handle the transition to skepticism just fine, some children do experience sustained negative emotions about the experience. Some children may be more likely to take things personally if they feel like they’ve been deceived.”
Mills said future studies might investigate why some children may react more strongly than others to discovering the truth about Santa. But she says that for now, parents should rely on what they know about their child when responding to their child’s curiosity, and be comforted by knowing how many people have fond memories of their experiences with Santa Claus.
“There is no one-size-fits-all approach to managing the Santa myth,” Mills said.
Co-authors of the study included UT Dallas psychology doctoral students Natalie Quintero and Anthony Monroe BS’20, MS’23; and Dr. Thalia Goldstein and former student Pallavi Kanumuru from George Mason University.